Sexuality Education, General Wokeness and Sex Playlists + Molly Eames

I sat down with a dear friend to get to dig into my passion for sexuality education, the #metoo movement, general wokeness, and my own sex-positive awakening. I want to hear from you guys. Answer your favorite question in the comments below or feel free to reach out with any questions of your own!

Why did you become a Sexuality Educator?  

I truly believe in the power of education. I’ve always been a bit of an educator. I‘m passionate about seeking out answers and sharing sexuality information. As an adolescent therapist, I was shocked at how many of my young clients had experienced some kind of sexual violence.

When I started working with adults and couples, I recognized the relief that came with the safe haven I offered. As my clients shared their stories of sexual pain and frustration I realized that my adult clients are just an older version of my pained adolescents. I kept asking myself, how do we change the statistics of interpersonal violence and sexual assault? How do we normalize sex and pleasure and help individuals see the power in talking about sexuality? I believe the answer is in education, specifically, sexuality education.

What is the single most important idea you’d like your clients to walk away with?  

You and your body are normal and beautiful the way you are.  We live in a culture that constantly bombards us with negative body images, promotes negative self-talk and gives men and women a standard of beauty that is highly unattainable. All bodies are created equal. A lot of sexual awakening occurs just by being comfortable and in love with you :). 

How did you learn about sex?  

I grew up in a religious household, so the topic of sex was quickly followed with the phrase “not until marriage.” The details were definitely not discussed.

In middle school, a male doctor came to science class to lead our “sex chat”—It felt extremely awkward, uncomfortable, and somehow unsafe. I have always been an avid reader and at the time, I managed to snag a copy of Anne Rice’s “Interview with a Vampire”. I remember feeling extremely ashamed for reading such provocative material; and at the same time, I was excited and intrigued by every detail, image, and scene.

Also, let’s be real. We all fumbled around sexually through adolescence, sought out a Cosmopolitan magazine for sex tips, and chatted for hours with our friends to make sure we were doing it right.

If you could go back in time and give your pre-pubescent self a piece of advice, what would it be?  

Love yourself! Stop comparing yourself to others. And always trust your gut instinct.

How did you find your place as a sex-positive female? What age did you come into your own? 

This is such a powerful question! I started my period at the age of 11 and quickly developed into a female body. I was incredibly self-conscious of my body, particularly my breasts. That was the start of a few decades of struggling between loving and feeling immense shame about my body.

The turning point was meeting one of my soul sisters in college. She was beautiful in the most captivating way. Looking back, I realize she has always exuded confidence. Confidence in her body, sexuality and her space as a woman. Over the years, she’s shown me the power of loving yourself and finding self-confidence. To finally be a sex-positive female is totally liberating. It’s acknowledging my own beauty and power, believing that everyone has the right to sexual freedom and pleasure (this includes sexual expression across the entire range of sexuality), and having the confidence to stand up for these rights in the face of adversity. Loving yourself is not always easy but it needs to be part of everyones daily practice!

If you could have a sexual experience that felt like a song what would it be? 

Completely mood dependent! I can’t even imagine limiting myself to one song - variety is the spice to life! So my playlist includes everything from Nina Simone, XX, Childish Gambino, Fiona Apple, Phantogram, TV on the Radio, The Postal Service, The Weeknd, Atmosphere…

What’s the worst word or phrase you’ve heard someone replace for sex? 

Any word that’s used negatively or violently. The emotion behind the word is far more significant than the semantics.

What’s the best piece of sexual advice you’ve received or given? 

We are all responsible for our own orgasm. Particularly for women, this is incredibly important to remember and own. Otherwise, remember that laughter is key to a healthy sexual relationship.

Who are some of your favorite women in the media promoting a sex-positive culture? 

I deeply value the work of Esther Perel and Emily Nagoski. Their contributions to understanding human sexuality are so important. Logan Levkoff from New York is always supporting a sex-positive culture in the media.

In the wake of the #metoo movement, how do you envision the future of sexuality, education, and general wokeness?  

I envision a future of empowered young men and women who understand their self-worth, respect each other, and are working towards the goals of humankind.  The history of the world is steeped in sexual violence, this is not an American issue or European issue, this is not a white or black issue, this is a human issue. I believe that as we move forward in the wake of the #metoo movement, we need to have comprehensive sexuality education in every school and we need to start normalizing pleasure. By normalizing pleasure, we are actually helping our youth make smarter and safer decisions.  Teaching that sexual experiences should be mutually pleasurable and consensual would help reduce sexual assault rates.  But in order for this to begin, we have to start educating the parents and adults who are working with our youth. We don’t discuss matters of sexuality because they tend to make us feel uncomfortable and question our beliefs. The time has come to clarify what our values are as humans and as a modern society.